On Saturday July 28th, my son stole 50 dollars from my purse and used all day. I had seen him relapsing, as you can tell from my earlier posts. My husband and I told him he was no longer welcome in our home since he decided once again to return to the dark side. However, after only one day of living outside and having no where to go since his drug friends wouldn'tt take him in once the money was gone, he started texting me and asking me what to do. I told him to contact someone from NA and get to meetings. He told me he was doing that but no one would take him in. He showed up at the house on Monday morning, asking me if he could at least shower and have something to eat. His dad had gone to a welding training class and I was home alone, having taken the day off because I just could not function at work after everything that happened. Against my better judgement, I let him in and let him shower and eat. He then asked me if he could sleep for a bit. I told him absolutely not and that he had to leave. He pushed back, told me that he knew he screwed up and that he admitted it right away and thought that by doing so we would work it out with him. I told him that we were not allowing theft or active drug use in our home and he knew he would have to leave. He stormed out and I locked up, and later I noticed he was laying out on the deck on a bunch of beach towels sleeping.
My husband returned from his class and offered to take him to the local rescue mission. He ranted and raved, saying how was being homeless going to help him? What ended up happening was that my husband took him to another outpatient facility where they started him on a medically assisted program using suboxone and mandating that he had to attend at least 3 meetings a week and 3 hours of intensive outpatient therapy each week. He will be drug tested three times a week as well. Funny thing, this is where I had wanted to send him to be drug tested when he stayed out all night. He refused to go then.
Of course, he is back with us. He has been going to meetings every day, sometimes two a day. He is working with his sponsor on the steps ( allegedly) and he also finally got hired as a server at a local restaurant and as a painter for a local contractor. He starts these jobs this week.
I guess I should be happy that he has gotten on the right track once again. What I am is totally fed up. I didn't feel he deserved another second chance. I'm angry that my husband is not at the same place I am in dealing with this. I think it's because he refused to deal with it at all in the past, letting me do it all. He is also very very soft hearted. He will never change in that way. I'm tired of dealing with it, talking about it and blogging about it. Everything in me is so negative right now. It absolutely stinks.
I can barely stand to talk to, look at, or have any kind of interaction with my son. I know that I have to figure a way to let go here, but I can't seem to find it inside of me to do so. I have read everything I can get my hands on, including some very insightful blogs. I have never been all that spiritual but I have been trying with all my might to pray. Nothing is helping.