Monday, August 6, 2012

Yes, I'm bitching so if you can't deal with that don't read

On Saturday July 28th, my son stole 50 dollars from my purse and used all day.  I had seen him relapsing, as you can tell from my earlier posts. My husband and I told him he was no longer welcome in our home since he decided once again to return to the dark side. However, after only one day of living outside  and having no where to go since his drug friends wouldn'tt take him in once the money was gone, he started texting me and asking me what to do. I told him to contact someone from NA and get to meetings. He told me he was doing that but no one would take him in. He showed up at the house on Monday morning, asking me if he could at least shower and have something to eat. His dad had gone to a welding training class and I was home alone, having taken the day off because I just could not function at work after everything that happened. Against my better judgement, I let him in and let him shower and eat. He then asked me if he could sleep for a bit. I told him absolutely not and that he had to leave. He pushed back, told me that he knew he screwed up and that he admitted it right away and thought that by doing so we would work it out with him. I told him that we were not allowing theft or active drug use in our home and he knew he would have to leave. He stormed out  and I locked up, and later I noticed he was laying out on the deck on a bunch of beach towels sleeping.
My husband returned from his class and offered to take him to the local rescue mission. He ranted and raved, saying how was being homeless going to help him?  What ended up happening was that my husband took him to another outpatient facility where they started him on a medically assisted program using suboxone and mandating that he had to attend at least 3 meetings a week and 3 hours of intensive outpatient therapy each week. He will be drug tested three times a week as well. Funny thing, this is where I had wanted to send him to be drug tested when he stayed out all night. He refused to go then.
Of course, he is back with us. He has been going to meetings every day, sometimes two a day. He is working with his sponsor on the steps ( allegedly) and he also finally got hired as a server at a local restaurant and as a painter for a local contractor. He starts these jobs this week.
I guess I should be happy that he has gotten on the right track once again. What I am is totally fed up. I didn't feel he deserved another second chance. I'm angry that my husband is not at the same place I am in dealing with this. I think it's because he refused to deal with it at all in the past, letting me do it all. He is also very very soft hearted. He will never change in that way. I'm tired of dealing with it, talking about it and blogging about it. Everything in me is so negative right now. It absolutely stinks.
I can barely stand to talk to, look at, or have any kind of interaction with my son. I know that I have to figure a way to let go here, but I can't seem to find it inside of me to do so. I have read everything I can get my hands on, including some very insightful blogs. I have never been all that spiritual but I have been trying with all my might to pray. Nothing is helping.

4 comments:

Dad and Mom said...

Sheri,

Don't beat yourself up.

It was seldom Darlene and I were on the same page. From my experience most important you two can see the others place and accept the place they are in at any moment in time. Darlene and I decided that when we couldn't agree on our course of action then we always took the least aggressive action. Sometimes I wanted him out and she didn't. That meant he was allowed to stay.

It's hard sometimes but addiction shouldn't be allowed to claim a marriage along with our child.

We found our son sleeping in our garden shed. It's crazy but there is no making sense of this disease.

Good luck and hold on to hope but always take care of yourself first. Your son will need you one day when he is serious and if your not in the right place you will be of no help to him our anyone else.

annapolly said...

Hi Sheri,

Here's a link you might like to look at explaining the CRAFT method. Not saying it is for everyone, but it is always helpful to look at other ideas. This is more of a positive, motivational way of dealing with my addict son and it helps keep me out of my angry, anxiety-ridden mode.

Here is the link:

http://www.hbo.com/addiction/thefilm/supplemental/628_addict_into_treatment.html

Also, those pharmacy testing kits are an outrageous price because they have those mail-in confirmations. Go to the website for Uritox and you can get the screeners only for about $2.50 each and the shipping is reasonable. That should help the aggravation of both the price and the trip out as well!

It sucks that we have to deal with all of this, but I suppose it is better than some totally hopeless cancer...

Wishing you peace,

Cathy

Renee Rothwell said...

Sheri, I like your blog. Bitchin....I can totally relate. My 22 year old son is addicted to Roxies. Same story as many I read. We've been through it all, denial, anger, denial, self-pity, denial, anger, jail, rehab, jail again, drug court. Drug court really helped..or so I thought. He stayed clean for 1 year. Did everything he was supposed to do (and that's alot for drug court), graduated from it on June 26, 2012..had all charges dropped. He was my old son again....then...everything changed very quickly. Not even two months and he's almost back to pre-jail days (lieing, stealing, using) The heartache is somehow bigger this time. It think because I really thought he had it licked...that maybe he wasn't really an addict. That drug court and all the NA meetings showed him the way. He's even signed up for college that starts in two weeks. But...this time, I know. I'm mentally and physcially worn out. But stronger too. TOday after work (and he is still working...Thank GOD...for now) he will come home and pack his things. For good this time. Am I doing the right thing?
REnee

Sheri said...

Renee
I am in no position to give anyone advice plus I think everyone has to do what their gut tells them. I know that in the event my son blows it this time, it's over for me. I think, FINALLY, my husband is on the same page as well.
Ron Grover said it best to me in an earlier post. You have to always BELIEVE IN HIM but you have no honest reason to BELIEVE HIM at this point. Its so hard to accept that you cannot trust someone you love so much.
I hope you are in a support group and I know that reading the blogs has also helped me immensely.
Please check back and let me know how you are doing. Take care of yourself, please.