Thursday, June 28, 2012

He Is Coming Home......

Kev is coming home tomorrow. His therapist told me he has done a good job and needs to continue that once he is discharged. I told him that we will support him in his recovery as much as we can but it is ultimately up to him.I'm happy and worried at the same time.  I am not sure if I am ready. Please send me some good thoughtx and vibes. Any advice and direction would be greatly appreciated.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Holding Back

I wonder if I will ever be able to talk with my son and believe anything he says? I want to do it, but I always "hold back" that trust that he is on the right track this time. Someone told me at last week's meeting "Don't ask any question you really don't want the answer to". I find myself not asking anything. Its a crummy way to interact. I don't like it.

Friday, June 8, 2012


My husband just got notice that he will be laid off after tomorrow. His mill filed chapter 11 last Thursday and if they don't find a buyer by July 28th, may close completely. He is very upset, we are not spring chickens anymore and the thought of  finding and starting a new job is daunting . Thank goodness I am still working and that his insurance benefits will continue.
A few days ago, due to a bed issue, my son was moved to a different facility where they don't have phones in the rooms for us to call. They gave him back his cell phone which of course is dead and he called asking whether we would be willing to prepay some texting and minutes for him. I said no immediately, knowing all of the wonderful phone contacts he has in it. He was not a happy camper about that.
He called his dad last night and spoke with him about it. His dad told him he supported my decision but we would talk about it some more and let him know if we change our minds. He pointed out that he can still call us and his sponsor through his therapist.
He will be coming home very soon since he is almost at the end of his IOP and the next step there, the halfway house, is totally out of the question since his dad is going to be out of a job. Insurance will not cover the rent.
I am having a great deal of anxiety on every front at the moment. I feel like the air is being squeezed out of my chest and I find myself drifting away from the good behaviors and thoughts I have been practicing these past couple of months.
Higher Power, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference....... now more than ever.
Have a great weekend everyone.


Tuesday, June 5, 2012


 My daughter is a type I diabetic, diagnosed at age 14. She will be 20 in a few months. When we first found out about it, I took ownership of her disease. I read everything I could, managed her diet and constantly managed her illness. I thought I was the only person who could do it.  I became a nag, always checking that she was monitoring her blood sugars and following her meal plan. She would get so upset! " Mom, I KNOW what I have to do! I KNOW what the consequences are!"  In time, I learned to keep my opinions to myself and let her take care of it. However, even today, I still find myself starting to ask her if she took her insulin. I even ask sometimes." Mom!!! " she exclaims.
My son will be finishing rehab and coming home soon . I am feeling apprehensive. Will I try to "manage" my son's disease as I did my daughter's?  Hopefully, I will mind my own business, set good boundaries and keep taking care of myself. I could go buy some duct tape ............

Friday, June 1, 2012

My son

I want to tell you about my son Kevin.
He is an artist.The picture I have on here is a piece of his artwork, something he drew months ago when I truly believe he was getting ready to change his life but wasn't quite there yet.
He is a musician, plays guitar,keyboards and sings. When he was in high school, his band made a couple of Cd's that were very good .
He is a talented writer. Sometimes I am not a fan of some of what he writes ( when it's rap) but he is eloquent and insightful.
He is kind, sometimes that gets him in trouble.
He is loving .
It feels great to write about him in a positive way, I haven't written or thought about him like this in a very long time.
Thank you for letting me share.