My son and I have very minimal contact now.
I spoke ( via text ) to him last night. I had texted him on New Years Eve wishing him a happy new year. He did not reply back. Last night his text was about a health issue he is having. At the tail end of the conversation, I asked him why he did not reply to my new year's text. He told me that his new year is not happy so why text back. I said ok and good night and that was the end of the conversation.
It didn't even phase me that he was upset that I would not be drawn into his problems.
I'm not sure if that's good or bad.
I read blogs where parents have detached but still seem more caring and loving than I am feeling right now. They reach out and are able to have loving conversations and even visitations with their addicted loved ones.
I can't seem to do this. I am afraid to let my guard down, even a little. I'm afraid if I do, I will get sucked in.
My son did eat Christmas dinner at my home, but I was ready for him to leave after a couple of hours.
I felt myself getting angry that he was still there. I wanted to go to my sister's as planned and he was prolonging his visit. I had to be the "bad guy" once again and remind him that we had plans and we needed to drop him off. I could tell he was hurt but I didn't react to his hurt at all.
I guess I am not ready yet. I am getting worried that perhaps I never will be........