Celebrating with an emotional cocktail

I read the phrase "emotional cocktail" in a post today and it seems very appropriate in regard to my thoughts about the upcoming holiday. A lot of people will be hosting parties on the fourth or this weekend where family will be gathered and everyone will enjoy food and some type of "cocktails".
As a parent of an addicted loved one, although I am looking forward to the family party this weekend I will be partaking of several " emotional cocktails " while there. It will be great to see my family, especially my nieces and nephews that I see less and less often as they grow up and move on with their lives. Lives that are so foreign to me compared to the life my son has chosen. I find joy in their successes and savor the sweet emotional cocktail that brings. I will watch my daughter enjoy being with her cousins and be wishing that her brother was there to share that with her. The emotional cocktail of his absence and the memory of times when he was there laughing and joking will be bittersweet. I truly hope that one day, he will find his recovery and everyone will be able to " drink in" the presence of the beautiful boy who for now is trapped inside the ugly monster that holds him prisoner. Cheers everyone, and have a wonderful holiday!

Just another day

I have not been blogging a great deal lately. I had wanted to do a post about it being a year since I started this blog but my brain would not come up with anything of substance to say. I would love to say that this year has been all puppies, unicorns, hearts and flowers. There have been good things and not so good things that have occurred. I could re-hash all of it but why?
I am in a pretty good place right now. Stuff happens with Kevin now that used to turn me into a shrieking, crazy lunatic. Not so much now. Yesterday, he walked off his job! He just got an apartment and HE WALKED OFF HIS JOB!  Wow. In the past, my head would have exploded and texts would ensue where I would preach, demand to know why and so forth. But what's the point? Kevin is going to do what he is going to do. He's a man and he has to take care of his business.  After finding out about it I was at the grocery store and I found myself chuckling, thinking of the lunacy I would exhibit about something like that in the past. I am amazed at me and thankful that this year has brought me to a place that I can laugh at the old me.
I hope everyone has a great weekend. I opened my pool and its green. :-( So I am dealing with that. I found a dead squirrel floating in it when I came home from work yesterday!  I face- booked that it was like an episode of Duck Dynasty. All I needed was Phil to come fish it out and for Miss Kay to fry it up for dinner!

It's an F'd up world........

Ron at parentsofanaddict.blogspot.com alerted me to the new products that Urban Outfitters has come up with. They are about as wonderful as the Olsen twins bag that has pills all over it.

He urged everyone to e mail the CEO richard.hayne@urbanout.com and let him know what marketing geniuses they are.

Here is my e mail response to him that I wrote before I went to bed and prayed for my son.

I understand that sometimes retailers have to be "on trend" in order to sell

their products. I guess your genius marketing staff thinks that tapping into the

prescription drug abuse trend may be the ticket to great sales and profits. I

just hope you and your marketing idiots can sleep at night knowing that you are

perpetuating the rampant use of prescription drugs of our young people. I will

say a little prayer that you or one of your misinformed lackeys never has to

experience the horror of seeing a young person you love becoming a slave to the

addiction monster. What you see as a marketing tool is a constant reminder to me

that my loved one is in the grips of a profound sickness that people such as

yourself exploit for financial gain, just like drug companies who fund sites

that preach awareness but still profit off those who abuse their product.

Pleasant dreams sir.

Just when you think it's safe........

Ok, cue the theme from Jaws.........
I made a comment on addictionjournal.net's blog that my son was being abstinent but not working a recovery program. I said I had hoped he was getting honest with himself and perhaps his abstinence was the first step to getting off the crazy ride.
Yeah....feelings are not facts. I just find out the facts later than sooner since he doesn't live with me.
I still hold out hope that he will find his way but he's not ready I guess. Only he will know when that is.
Me, I am good . I truly have gotten honest with myself that this is his business. I love him unconditionally and that will never change. But, I cannot be Martin Brody scanning the horizon while my son is in the water.
There are no sharks circling me...my seas are calm.

Birthday

A good night!

Birthday Prep

Today is my son's 25th birthday. He is coming over to have dinner. I am  making his favorite meal and bought a banana cream pie for dessert ( He will take all the leftovers back to his place, especially the pie!)
I "prepped" my house before I left work this morning for the celebration. Instead of hanging streamers and balloons, making sure I had birthday plates and napkins and wrapping colorful gifts, I made sure any and all medications are locked up, any liquor was put away upstairs and any important papers and other things of value were upstairs under lock and key as well.
Yesterday, I went to the grocery store and bought him some food staples and some personal hygiene items.
I decided that was the thing I could be ok with doing. No gift cards he can sell and of course, no money.
I feel really good this morning, I am good with what I am doing.
I am going to take Annette's suggestion and write his birth story and give it to him.
I am looking forward to tonight.

THINKING.....

Your birthday is less than a week away

I sit here pondering what to say

Do I reach out and ask if we can share

The day I watched your little eyes stare

At me, your mom, with innocent wonder

Or would asking be a terrible blunder?

 

Am I strong enough to realize

You no longer look back with innocent eyes

When the day is over

Will I let go

Stop searching for a truth that just isn't so?

 

I love you son

With my heart and soul

But these past several years

Have taken it's toll

 

I guess I still have to think this through

Before I can make any plans with you